The Knife
by Sugar and Spice2
Summary: inu-yasha and kagome have a major fight and kagome takes drastic measures, will inu-yasha ever be able to heal and move on with his life now, okay i've deleted the an so please don't panic, there are still 13 real chaps and another one in the works, R
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu-yasha or any of the other characters.  
  
~Kagome's POV~  
  
Kagome stood poised with both hands on the knife handle. She wanted to plunge it into her heart life just wasn't worth living. "Kagome!" Sango burst into the room. Startled Kagome dropped the knife and then hurriedly picked it up. "Kagome? What were you doing with that knife?" "I was putting it away, what did you think I was doing?" "I don't know, but it didn't look like you were putting it away." Kagome opened the drawer and threw the knife in; she didn't want Sango to know she was planning on taking her life. "Does this have something to do with Inu-yasha? You shouldn't let him get to you like that. He's not worth it." Kagome turned away, she couldn't look at Sango, she didn't want her to know the pain she was in. "This has nothing to do with Inu-yasha," she lied. "Are you sure? If you want to talk about it then I'm here for you, okay?" "I know, thank you, but right now I just want to be alone, okay?" "Okay."  
  
Sango left, leaving Kagome alone in the kitchen. The phone rang, "Hello" "Kagome?" "This is she" "Hey Kagome, this is Miroku." "Hey, Miroku. What's up?" "I was just wondering if you were still going to come over later and help me study for Algebra." "Yeah, umm, I'm coming over at seven, is that okay?" "Yeah, that's fine, thanks." "No prob." "Bye" "Bye"  
  
Kagome set the receiver back on its hook. "Well I guess I can wait until after I help Miroku." She walked into the living room and flopped down on the couch. She sat there a minute staring up at the ceiling and then grabbed the remote control and flipped through the channels for a while before settling on something. Finally it was time to leave for Miroku's. She hurried out and grabbed her bike. She peddled as fast as she could, thankful for something to distract her from her self-destructive thoughts.  
  
She got to Miroku's house and rang the doorbell. She shivered in the cool evening air and wished that she had brought a sweater; the ride back home was going to be cold. Miroku's mother answered the door and ushered her in. "Good evening Kagome, I'm so glad that you've come to help Miroku. His grades really have improved since you've started tutoring him. He's in the kitchen." "Thank you, I'm so glad that I can help him, he's a good person" *even if he is a bit of a hentai* she thought to herself.  
  
Kagome walked into the kitchen, and not only was Miroku in there, but so was Inu-yasha, her ex-boyfriend. "Good evening Miroku," she said warmly, and then in an icy tone, "Inu-yasha" "Kagome," Inu-yasha said in mock surprise, "I didn't know you were coming here tonight. I was just leaving. C-ya Miroku" "Later"  
  
After Inu-yasha left, Kagome turned to Miroku, "Why didn't you tell me he was going to be over here?! You know that we don't get along." "Hey, Kagome, cool it. It's not like he stayed or anything. Now are you going to help me with Algebra or not?" "Of course I am, just give me a moment to get over the shock of seeing my ex, okay?"  
  
Please R&R. I would really like some feedback so that I know how to make this a better story. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Guess what, I still don't own the Inu-yasha characters, *breaks down and cries* I Love Sessho-maru  
  
Inu-yasha's POV  
  
~The next day~  
  
"Dude, Miroku, why didn't you tell me that Kagome was coming over last night?"  
  
"I didn't think it was important, I mean I didn't think either of you would care. She was just coming to tutor me."  
  
"Don't you think we broke up for a reason? I don't like running into her unexpectedly, if I know to expect her I'm fine."  
  
"Sorry dude, I'll warn you next time"  
  
"Thanks"  
  
"Why did the two of you break up anyway?"  
  
"It's really none of your business"  
  
"Okay dude, I was just asking"  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"Inu-yasha, if you can't start thinking about someone other than yourself than I'm gonna call it quits! You never listen to what I say."  
  
"Kagome! What are you talking about? All I did was say that we are going to a party tonight."  
  
"Exactly, you never asked me what I wanted to do! What if I want to stay home tonight, huh, what then?"  
  
"Fine, if you want to stay home then stay home, I'm going to the party!"  
  
"Fine, do whatever, but we're through, and don't think you can come crawling back when you're tired of that."  
  
"I wouldn't dream about it"  
  
Kagome had walked off in a huff and that had been the end of their relationship.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
Inu-yasha would never admit it, but he missed Kagome, he had loved her in his way, and he knew that he had driven her off.  
  
The bell rang signaling the beginning of classes.  
  
Kikyo, Inu-yasha's on off girlfriend since before Kagome, and Kagome's worst enemy, was in his homeroom. She looked almost exactly like Kagome, but she was a party chick, a slut, and was known to get wasted. As Inu- yasha took his seat she sidled over to him in her revealing top and her extremely short mini-skirt, and planted herself almost squarely in his lap. "Inu-yasha," she said in a wheedling voice, "are you going to the party tonight?" "I don't know. Are you going?" "I want to, but I can only go if you go. I really don't feel safe if you aren't there. And since your no longer with that bitch, Kagome, I was hoping you'd be my date." Even knowing exactly what Kikyo was trying to do, he couldn't resist her when she sounded so pathetic, no matter how killer she looked. "Of course I'll go." "Oh Thank you, you're so kind," she said and whispered something suggestive in his ear, which got Inu-yasha's blood pumping'.  
  
A/N: please, please, please, please review y'all, I would really like some input, tell me what I'm doin' wrong, and whether or not you like this, please, I'm beggin' you, but not for long 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: First off, I DO NOT OWN INU-YASHA OR ANY OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS, okay now that we've gotten that out of the way Thanks for the reviews, I really did appreciate them, I will try to make my chapters longer, but I'm just so busy that I scribble these things off in my spare time, and is Kagome going to die, well you'll just have to read on and find out.  
  
*Kagome's POV* Lunch  
  
"Oh God, Sango, it's rubber pizza for lunch today."  
  
"I know, I wonder if it actually bounces."  
  
"I dunno, let's find out." Kagome took a piece of the cafeteria pizza and dropped it onto her tray, and sure enough, it bounced, not high, but it bounced.  
  
Giggling the girls finished their lunches and went outside to sit in the sun.  
  
"Kagome, don't look now but there's Inu-yasha and Kikyo."  
  
Naturally, Kagome looked at what Sango was talking about and decided to sit as far away from them as possible. Kikyo was all over Inu-yasha and he didn't seem to mind it one bit. "I can't believe he's already gone back to her, she's such a slut."  
  
"Not to be insensitive or anything, but how long did you expect him to wait?"  
  
"I dunno, but I thought it would be more than a week."  
  
"Girl, guys like Inu-yasha don't stay single for long."  
  
"I know, but it still hurts."  
  
"Of course it does, it just means your human."  
  
"Sango?"  
  
"Mmmm?"  
  
"If I tell you something will you promise not to tell anyone else?"  
  
"Of course, I'd never tell something you didn't want me to tell."  
  
"You swear?"  
  
"I swear."  
  
"Okay, I wasn't going to tell you this, but I think I need to. Lately I've been feeling like there is no point to my life, like I would be better off dead, and I've been seriously thinking about suicide."  
  
"Kagome! That's awful! Is that what you were doing when I came in the other day, you know, with the knife?"  
  
"Yeah, I just want you to know that I'm really glad you came in when you did, and I'm glad that you're my friend."  
  
"I'm glad I walked in when I did as well. You do know I'm here for you if you ever want to talk, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I know"  
  
The two hugged briefly.  
  
"If it's not too much to ask, why did you and Inu-yasha breakup?"  
  
"I'm not ready to talk about it, it still hurts too much."  
  
"Okay, but when you're ready you know you can tell me. I'm here for you and I will help in anyway I can."  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"Hey Kagome, why don't you want to go to Ayaka's party?"  
  
"I don't want to go because there's gonna be drugs and alcohol and stuff, and I'm just not into getting wasted."  
  
"You don't have to get wasted if you go, just show up and have some fun, you don't have to take any of the alcohol or drugs"  
  
"That's not the point!"  
  
"Why do you have to be such a fucking sanctimonious bitch!"  
  
"I am not a sanctimonious bitch! If you want a girlfriend who'll go and get wasted at these parties with you then go find that slut, Kikyo! I know you like her."  
  
"Kikyo is not a slut. You're just jealous of her."  
  
"You are such a loser Inu-yasha."  
  
Kagome stormed off, she was really mad, and he had hurt her. Maybe she was a little jealous of Kikyo, she had been Inu-yasha's first girlfriend, and she knew that he still cared about her, but he didn't need to throw that in her face. Moreover, what right did he have to call her a sanctimonious bitch; she just didn't want to get wasted. But whatever, she wasn't going to be the one who apologized, she had done nothing wrong.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
A tear trickled down Kagome's cheek  
  
Sango noticed this and leaned over hugging her friend and providing the comfort that she knew Kagome needed.  
  
A/N: what she really needs is Sessho-maru, but unfortunately he doesn't figure into this story, but *sigh* I guess I'll live. Anyway, I think that the next chapter is going to be a lemon. It's the first one I've written, and so it's probably not going to be very good. But please bear with me and continue to R&R. 


	4. Chapter 4 lemon

Disclaimer: Newsflash: I still don't own the Inu-yasha characters, I never have and never will, *sob* anyway, big hug to people who reviewed. Wendy, I'm really sorry I know you hate this lemon pairing *ducks to avoid flying objects* but everyone can enjoy  
  
*Inu-yasha's POV*  
  
~At a party~  
  
They were in the middle of the dance floor and Kikyo was rubbing herself against Inu-yasha's body.  
  
"Inu-yasha," Kikyo said, "Did you ever have this much fun with that holier- than-thou bitch Kagome?"  
  
"Let's just think about this moment. You, me, and the back bedroom."  
  
"Now you're talking"  
  
Kikyo led Inu-yasha off the noisy crowded dance floor and through the halls lined with people in various stages of dress and sex.  
  
The room was quiet, Inu-yasha looked at Kikyo, but for a moment, he saw Kagome again, just as she had been after the first time they had made love, but he quickly shook the image from his mind.  
  
Sitting down on the edge of the bed he slipped his fingers just barely into her pants and drew her to him.  
  
"Now, now, now, aren't we forgetting something big boy. I'm still dressed, and so are you."  
  
"Come here and I'll take care of that."  
  
She laughed lightly shaking her head, "I have a much better idea. Just sit back and enjoy."  
  
She stepped back, just out of his reach and began a little strip tease.  
  
Slowly ever so slowly, her shirt came up over her head, and fell to the floor beside her, then even more slowly, she began to unfasten her pants, and then they slid to the floor, her panties following shortly after. She stood there completely naked in front of him. "Inu-yasha, come here it's your turn."  
  
Inu-yasha was already hard, he could hardly control himself, he wanted to reach out and throw her down, skipping all the preliminaries, but he controlled himself, he would play her game if it killed him.  
  
He allowed her to undress him, and as she did, she nipped playfully at his beautiful male body.  
  
Just as he was beginning to think he couldn't take it anymore he was finally freed from the last bits of his clothes.  
  
He threw her down on the bed, he just couldn't take it anymore, covering her mouth with his, he thrust into her, sheathing his pulsating member in her hot depths. He thrust in and out of her trying to ease his almost painful erection.  
  
The climaxed and lay spent in splendid exhaustion.  
  
Inu-yasha took Kikyo in his arms and kissed her lightly on the forehead, "I love you Kagome."  
  
Kikyo pulled away from him, "What was that?!"  
  
"What was what?" Inu-yasha asked struggling to understand what he had done wrong.  
  
"You called me Kagome, you still love her, don't you!"  
  
"Kikyo, don't be ridiculous! That's absurd."  
  
Kikyo was pulling on her clothes, "Inu-yasha, I was afraid of this when we came here tonight, you still love her. I don't want to sleep with another girl's man." She shoved his clothes at him, "Get dressed, you're taking me home." She stormed out of the room leaving Inu-yasha to struggle into his clothes while she waited by the front door to be taken home.  
  
A/N: Lizzy, I know you love the word pulsating so I just had to use it. Please R&R people. It really does encourage me to write these chapters and get them out quicker. 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I know my disclaimers are boring as hell, and Lizzy is going to kill me for that, but the simple fact is I don't own Inu-yasha or the other characters, I love Fluffy, and.umm.. I'm sure there's something else, but I'll think of it later. For now just read, and then review ^-^  
  
*Kikyo's POV*  
  
~Later~  
  
They sat in silence as Inu-yasha drove Kikyo home.  
  
"Kikyo, I really am sorry. Its just that."  
  
"Don't try to explain anything, I know, it's just that you still love her, it's just that it still hurts, that it's too soon. Do you think that I don't understand how these things work?"  
  
"I never meant to hurt you."  
  
"You used to love me Inu-yasha, what happened to that?"  
  
They were stopped in front of her house now.  
  
Inu-yasha looked at her for a second, "I don't know. You started hanging out with Naraku and his crowd, and I guess it just seemed like you changed, as if you weren't the girl I had fallen in love with, but then Kagome came." he trailed off, not quite knowing what to say.  
  
"And she was everything I was not. Is that right?"  
  
"No," he said looking up startled, "she was everything you used to be, everything I had fallen in love with."  
  
"Then what happened, why aren't you with her?"  
  
"I don't know. We had a fight and I said some things that I didn't mean and she said some things, and she walked off."  
  
"Apologize to her Inu-yasha. She still loves you."  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"It's a woman thing, I just know." They sat in silence for a few minutes, then, "I know what they say about me."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"That I'm an evil bitch, that I'm a slut. But I'm not."  
  
"I know that."  
  
Kikyo looked up into his eyes and saw the sincerity in them, "I haven't changed that much Inu-yasha, I'm still the girl you used to know."  
  
She leaned over and kiss him lightly on the cheek, "Go win her back Inu- yasha, before it's too late."  
  
She got out of the car, and looked back after the retreating car for only a brief minute. "I love you Inu-yasha, I love you."  
  
Then she turned to go in the house, as tears silently slipped down her cheeks.  
  
A/N: So sad, I'm making myself cry *sniff, sniff* sorry about the short chap. There is only so much that can be said. You know the routine please R&R Will Inu-yasha make it in time, will Kikyo's love for Inu-yasha ever be realized Read on to find out. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: unfortunately I still don't own any of the Inu-yasha characters and I don't feel like working on a disclaimer right now  
  
Just a few things I want to point out, 1) I'm disappointed in how few people have reviewed my fic, 2) thank you lizzy, I enjoy your review, 3) I wouldn't be posting this chapter yet if I wasn't under threat of death, and 3) I will not even consider posting the next chapter until I get more reviews  
  
I love people who review, and hate all others. The poem that inspired me to write this fic is at the end of this chapter, yes I did write it, you can find it posted on fp.net under the title of The Knife and my pen name there is SweetlyEvilOne  
  
*Kagome's POV* ~Her bedroom~  
  
Kagome was sitting on her bed, her school stuff spread out around her, but she couldn't concentrate, she kept wondering what Inu-yasha was doing. She didn't want to think about it, she really didn't see a point to living, but as long as Inu-yasha wasn't sleeping with Kikyo, she still had a chance of reclaiming him.  
  
The phone rang and Kagome jumped off the bed and snatched up the receiver, hoping it was Inu-yasha. "Hello?" "Hey, Kagome?"  
  
"Sango, hey, what's up?"  
  
"I'm afraid I have some bad news."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I heard from a vary reliable source that at Ayaka's party tonight Inu- yasha and Kikyo disappeared into a back room, and you know what that means."  
  
"Oh my dear mother-fucking God"  
  
A/N: even good girls cuss every now and then, ^-^  
  
"I'm sorry Kagome, I shouldn't have told you. Are you going to be alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'll be fine."  
  
*Background* "Sango, get off that phone right now!" "Yes mom!" "I gotta go, you sure you gonna be okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be fine."  
  
"Bye"  
  
"Bye"  
  
Kagome hung up the phone, "How could he? How dare he?" She just kept thinking that over and over, "How could he? How dare he?" But what was done was done; nothing she did would change things.  
  
Her eyes darted towards her pillow, she had a knife hidden under there from when she had been considering suicide, and right now it was very tempting. Suddenly the temptation was overwhelming and she slowly drew the knife out from its hiding spot.  
  
She felt the initial resistance then the silent giving of flesh. She felt the fierce pleasure pain that was to be her release from the world. She partially withdrew the knife that was protruding from herself and looked down. There was so much blood, the exposed part of the knife was covered and blood, and her hands were slowly becoming drenched in the blood as well, it was her own blood, she was drenched in her own death, her own pain and pleasure, her own release. She looked into the mirror that was across the room from her bed, and what she saw scared her, she knew that she wouldn't last much longer, but she was prepared to embrace the darkness.  
  
There was a light knocking at the door and she hoped that her mother wouldn't walk in, not yet anyway, she should have left a note. She didn't want her mother to worry, to think it had been her fault.  
  
The doorknob turned, her mind raced, what to say, what to do, what would her mother say? It wasn't her mother that walked in.  
  
"I hope you don't mind, your mother let me . Kagome! What happened?" Inu- yasha yelled for her mom to call an ambulance as he rushed to her side.  
  
"Leave me alone you bastard," she managed to gasp out. "I know about you and Kikyo."  
  
"Kagome, it's not what you think! I love you, Kagome!" He took her in his arms.  
  
"Then you weren't with Kikyo tonight?" She asked in a whispered voice, her eyes pleading with him to deny that he was with Kikyo, but he couldn't lie to her.  
  
"I won't lie. I was with Kikyo tonight."  
  
"Then why did you come here? To taunt me? To show me what I couldn't have, what I had walked away from? To torture me?" The last was said in barely a whisper as she tried to push away from him.  
  
Holding her as close to him as possible he yelled, "Goddamn it Kagome, I love you. I love you so much it hurts to breathe, it hurts to be away from you, it hurts to be with you, I love you so goddamn much. Please don't leave me."  
  
A/N: so cute, and so sad, I know it's a little OOC, but hey she's dying he has to show some emotion.  
  
"Then why were you with Kikyo tonight?" She had to know.  
  
"I was scared, I thought that you couldn't possibly love me after what happened, after what I said to you. She made me realize that I've loved you all along."  
  
"I'm sorry Inu-yasha. I was a jealous fool. I didn't mean to hurt you, but it's too late for me."  
  
"I love you Kagome, don't leave me. Please don't leave me!" He pleaded with her, "Hang on for just a little while longer, the ambulance will be here soon, please Kagome, don't die!"  
  
She looked up at his face and realized that he was crying. "I'm sorry Inu- yasha, I'm so sorry." She looked directly into his eyes and said, "Tell Kikyo that I'm sorry, I was wrong." Then with what little strength she had left she leaned up and tenderly kissed him on the cheek, "She loves you too." With that, she fell back, the last of her lifeblood draining out and her eyes glazing over.  
  
Inu-yasha let out a howl, one of grief and sadness, of love and remembrance, of sorrow and forgiveness. It was a howl of mourning for one who died to young, who took their own life, for the woman he loved.  
  
He sat their just holding her now lifeless body to him rocking back and forth while his tears flowed freely. He had been too late he hadn't been able to save her. The only comfort he had was that she had forgiven him that she had died loving him, in his arms.  
  
He didn't know what to think, there were so many conflicting emotions, grief, love, sorrow, anger, guilt, fear, and so much more. He was covered in her blood, wrapped in her love.  
  
A/N: so sad, Kagome's dead, and if it isn't very realistic then too bad, deal with it, but just because Kagome's dead doesn't mean that the story is over, there is still more to come. Please remember to R&R, it really makes my day, oh and if you know any really good lemon words like pulsating and throbbing please send them to me, I'm beginning a list of really good words that I can use in future lemons ^-^. I like lemons  
  
The Knife (suicide)  
  
She sat alone in her room  
  
her prison cell  
  
Despite gay* furnishings  
  
She thought bleak thoughts  
  
alone on her bed  
  
Wondering why  
  
she had ever been born  
  
Suicide filled her mind  
  
Her thoughts as dark as night's own blood  
  
Sun's bitter sweat nor moon's sweet tears  
  
could cheer her  
  
Thoughts turning darker  
  
she reached for the knife  
  
Thoughts darker than Hell's own fury  
  
She took the knife  
  
and was no more  
  
*Gay as in happy, lively, brightly colored, the old fashioned meaning 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, but I do want Sesshomaru (  
  
Inu-yasha was pacing around his room, he looked at the clock, it was only 1:00 am, several hours till Inu-yasha could reasonably get the keys to his parents' car and drive around aimlessly. Not that Inu-yasha was trying to be reasonable, but he knew that his parents worried about him. They were worried that he would decide to join Kagome. "Feh," he muttered to himself. He hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep in days, not since Kagome died in his arms. Her funeral was to be that day, he didn't want to go, it would make it all too final, but he knew in his heart that he had to go, that he had to see her one last time. He was finally able to fall into a tormented sleep that did not provide the oblivion he so desperately yearned for.  
  
The day emerged bright and sunny, one of those that simply beckoned a person to walk outdoors and bask in the suns sweet caresses. Inu-yasha wished the day was drizzly or at least a bit dreary, at least then it would have fit his mood. He did not want to face the day, or Kagome's mother. He didn't know how he could even look Mrs. Higurashi in the eye. She must blame him for her daughter's death and, truthfully, he blamed himself too.  
  
Every morning he opened his eyes after another restless night's sleep just to hear the birds calling to each other, and every morning, he growled to himself that they had no right to be happy. He was angry. Angry at Kagome for leaving him just when he realized he loved her, and betrayed because she left him. In addition, part of him felt guilty; if he had realized he loved her sooner then maybe she would still be alive. God, how he loved and hated her both at the moment; He felt guilty and betrayed. He blamed himself, and her, he blamed her for leaving him, for causing everyone pain, and most of all for betraying him. Anger was easier than sorrow.  
  
He got dressed; putting on a nice new black tuxedo and slowly went downstairs to join his parents and older brother. His mom put her arm around him providing silent comfort to one whose soul was in turmoil, and for once Sesshomaru had no caustic comments with which to provoke his brother.  
  
As they walked to the car Inu-yasha looked down the street and saw the neighborhood kids playing those timeless games of childhood. At that moment Inu-yasha wished for the innocence of childhood once more, before one had to think and take responsibility for one's own actions, before life became a chaotic mess.  
  
A/N: Sorry this was such a short chap, but I'm in a rush. I'm on my way out of town again, but I'll work on the next chapter, be back in a week or so. 


	8. the funeral home

Chapter 8 Disclaimer: I still don't own them  
  
As they drove up to the church where the eulogy and such was to be said Inu- yasha's father slowed down to let him out. His mom turned around in her seat, "Do you want me to walk in with you?"  
  
"No mom, I'm fine, thanks."  
  
"Alright then, we'll join you after we park the car."  
  
Inu-yasha got out of the car and walked slowly into the funeral home where the body was being viewed. He had been told that after the viewing they would go to church for the actual ceremony and then on to the cemetery to lay her to rest. As he walked in the door of the funeral home a small sign directed him to the proper room. When he walked into the room the first thing he saw was the open casket in the front, it was cherry with simple designs worked into the wood.  
  
He slowly made his way to the casket, but as he entered the room he could see people whispering as they caught sight of him, probably telling their friends that he was the cause of today's funeral and such, and then the conversations would fall silent as he approached and passed the groups just to pick up as soon as he passed. He pressed his ears back to avoid hearing the comments.  
  
Finally, he was in front of the casket, he looked down at the figure that was Kagome. Someone had cleaned her up. She was now wearing a lovely blue gown that became her nicely. In fact, she had worn this same gown on their first date. They had gone dancing and Kagome had loved the way it swirled out around her when she twirled. She had loved that gown, and she had loved dancing. Inu-yasha was never very fond of dancing, but he went for Kagome. Though he would never admit it he was happy when Kagome was happy, but he still managed to hurt her. She looked like she was sleeping. The expression on her face was so peaceful and he hoped that she had found the release she had been looking for in those final moments.  
  
As he stood gazing down upon her peaceful countenance, he felt a comforting tower of strength position itself just behind him on his right side. He turned his head slightly to see who it was and was surprised to see Sesshomaru. *I love Sesshy ^-^* He spoke quietly so that only Inu-yasha could hear, "I am sorry. I know she meant much to you."  
  
"I loved her!"  
  
"Yes, we all know that." Sesshomaru said in a calming tone. "I am sorry this happened. If anything ever happened to Rin." He left the sentence unfinished; it was as close as he would get to admitting his love for her.  
  
Inu-yasha looked up in mild surprise, his brother never talked to him like this. They were united only when fighting for a common cause, like against Naraku, but that was all. It meant a great deal to Inu-yasha that his brother stood with him at a time like this. "Thank you." He felt Sesshomaru's presence subside.  
  
He stood there for a moment more and just before he was going to turn to leave a hand gripped his arm. He looked at the hand, it looked just like Kagome's. He looked up startled right into Mrs. Higurashi's eyes. He inclined his head, "I'm sorry."  
  
"No, don't say that." Now he was even more startled  
  
"But.."  
  
"No, before you speak let me say something." She continued when she saw him nod acceptance. "I don't blame you for Kagome's death. It was her choice, not yours, not mine, only hers. Some mornings I wake up mad at Kagome for leaving me, for leaving you, for leaving all of us. I've heard people talking, I know that they are saying it's your fault, but I know it's not. It was Kagome's decision, and nothing you or I can do can ever change that. I don't want you to blame yourself." At this point, she put her hand under his chin and forced him to look her in the eyes. "I don't blame you. I want you to ride in the limo with me and Souta."  
  
"I can't do that! What will people say? What will they think?"  
  
"They will see that I don't blame you and they will have to follow my example because if I, as Kagome's mother, do not blame you and hold this against you then how can they truly justify holding it against you."  
  
"They will anyway"  
  
"There will always be small minded people who will only see what they want to see."  
  
"So you do this for me?"  
  
"And myself, I need you to be there with me and Souta. We need your strength and understanding. Kagome loved you and she would want you to be with us. I want you with us because you are the only other one here who knows how terrible this loss is who grieves the same way we do, Please ride with us, lend us your strength."  
  
"I will do all I can and all you ask. It is the least I can do, but it is not I who is strong. Thank you."  
  
She gave him a quick hug, "Thank you. I must speak to a few people quickly." She hurried off to talk to a few people; presumably, they were friends or family, though he didn't know of any other family. Kagome's grandfather had died a couple years ago from a stroke.  
  
"Careful brother, people might think you're getting soft."  
  
"Thanks for the warning, I'll keep that in mind."  
  
"What was that about, from the hug I would guess she wasn't telling you off."  
  
"She doesn't blame me. She wants me to ride with her and Souta in the limo."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I said yes, will you tell mom?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
A/N: I'm working on the next chapter, I promise, I may even have it up later today, but please review, if this is to continue I need feedback. 


	9. church and cemetery

A/N: Special thanks to inuyasha-girly-2007 and Bethany, your reviews really motivated me to continue writing. Thanks also go to InuChick1424 and Mittens is my Kami-sama, thank you for the reviews.  
  
I just thought I'd mention that I realized I made a mistake at the beginning of the last chapter, they were not driving to the church, but rather to the funeral home for the viewing, sorry about the mistake, and please tell me if you notice any others. *I'm too lazy to correct it in the actual story ^-^*  
  
Chapter 9 Disclaimer: Sue me if you want, take my sister, take my brother, hell, take my parents for all I care. I still won't own Inu-yasha and, unfortunately, I never will. But, if it came down to Inu-yasha and Sesshomaru I would definitely choose Sesshy.  
  
The ride to the church was short but Inu-yasha found comfort in the presence of Mrs. Higurashi and young Souta. *I honestly don't know what goes on in the limos during funeral processions so if this is way out there forgive me*  
  
"Thank you, Inu-yasha, for riding with us."  
  
"No, Mrs. Higurashi, thank you. You don't know how much this means to me."  
  
~Church~  
  
When they got to the church Inu-yasha helped Mrs. Higurashi and Souta out of the car and they walked in together with Mrs. Higurashi on his arm and Souta leading the way. They sat in the front pew, which was reserved for close family, the chief mourners.  
  
The priest/preacher's eulogy was short, but direct and to the point. He basically said that Kagome was a sweet girl that everyone loved and that it was a pity for one to die so young.  
  
Next thing he knew they were back in the limo and off to the cemetery where the casket would be lowered into the ground.  
  
~Cemetery~  
  
The next stop was the Cemetery where the very last words were to be said and then the casket would be lowered into the ground.  
  
As the 'guests' were leaving, they all placed a rose on Kagome's casket and they would be buried along with their good wishes and last words.  
  
The three were standing just next to the gaping hole that was to be Kagome's grave and Mrs. Higurashi laid a hand lovingly on the casket for a brief moment before it was lowered. Then, as if everything suddenly became real for her she burst into tears, not loud wracking sobs, but sweeter heartfelt tears that expressed a mother's grief in losing her oldest child. She leaned on Inu-yasha for support and held Souta close to her for comfort.  
  
Inu-yasha tried to offer as much comfort as he could, but it was also becoming uncomfortably real to him, too. He wasn't ready to say good bye to Kagome, he had loved her dearly, and she him, and now because of one argument/misunderstanding he had to say good bye.  
  
During all of this Souta never said a word to his mother or Inu-yasha, he hadn't even cried. He knew whose fault this was. It was Inu-yasha's and he would avenge his sister if it was the last thing he did. Silently to himself he made this promise to his sister.  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this up but school started while I was in the middle of writing this chapter and since I'm in marching band and taking AP courses I've been really busy and I haven't been on the computer much. Anyways, please continue to review, your reviews mean a great deal to me and the more reviews I get, the more likely I am to keep writing.  
  
Also, I'm debating whether or not I really want Souta to swear vengeance or whatever because I'm not sure how well I could write it and I think it might distract from what I'm going for in the rest of the story. So please tell me your opinions on this 'cause I don't know what I should do with it. Personally, I'm tempted to take it out. 


	10. Chapter 10 inuyasha

A/N: Okay people, I haven't gotten much feedback, but that's okay, I've come to a decision, I can't write a revenge type fic so forget that I ever wrote that or that you ever read that, one day I may go back and revise it, but not tonight, I've chosen the pairing, but I'm not going to tell you who it is, but you should be able to figure it out by the end of this chap. kiya1821 FYI even if I did go the whole revenge route Souta would not have taken a gun and killed Inu-yasha, perhaps you haven't noticed but Inu-yasha is the GOOD GUY and he is the MAIN CHARACTER I am NOT going to kill him off, but anyway on with the story and thank you everyone who reviewed (catlover55, Kioru, and once again inuyasha-girly-2007)  
  
(the real) Chapter 10  
  
Disclaimer: I will never own Inu-yasha, please don't sue me, I have nothing of value that you might want.  
  
After the funeral was over Inu-yasha stayed at the cemetary and just stood looking on to Kagome's fresh grave. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality wasn't more than ten minutes. He felt a light hand on his arm and when he turned to look it was Kikyo. She didn't say a word, she didn't need to her eyes and the reasurring squeeze said everything important. "She forgave me." He said quietly, "and she said to tell you she was sorry and that she was wrong."  
  
A tear slipped out of Kikyo's eye, "She had nothing to be sorry about, she was a good sweet girl, and she had a wonderful guy, she wasn't really wrong."  
  
The wind whipped around them chilling them, winter was just around the corner and you could feel it in the intenseness of the biting wind. "Thank you," he said covering her hand with his own, "I needed that." Slowly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world Inu-yasha took Kikyo into his arms and the two held each other in a comforting embrace.  
  
"How are you planning on getting home, Inu-yasha?"  
  
"I was going to walk."  
  
"Would you prefer a ride?"  
  
Inu-yasha considered her offer for a moment, "Yes," he said, "I think a ride would be nice, but I would like to stay here a moment more."  
  
"Alright, when you're done here I'll be waiting by the entrance." Quietly she slipped away leaving Inu-yasha alone with Kagome once more.  
  
"I love you, Kagome." He whispered then turned to follow after Kikyo.  
  
~*~*~*~The Car~*~*~*~  
  
Kikyo sat inside the car warming it up. She couldn't believe that Kagome had actually said what Inu-yasha had told her she had said. ".she said to tell you she was sorry and that she was wrong." The words meant a lot to her, because she knew what it must have cost Kagome to say them.  
  
She hadn't been waiting long when Inu-yasha slid into the passenger side seat. "Are you ready?"  
  
"As I'm ever going to be."  
  
She shifted the gear to drive and headed out of the cemetary and towards Inu-yasha's home. The ride was a long quiet one, Inu-yasha wasn't talking and she wasn't going to interupt his thoughts. Finally she pulled up in front of his house, "Inu-yasha, if it's not to much to ask, would you tell me what her last words were?" Inu-yasha looked at her for a moment, "If you don't want to tell me that's okay, I understand that they must have been personal."  
  
"No, I'll tell you. They were for you, 'Tell Kikyo that I'm sorry, I was wrong. She loves you too.' Those were her exact words, I'll never forget them." He then climbed out of the car and went into his house.  
  
Kikyo sat in stunned silence. She couldn't believe it, Kagome's last words had been a message to her! Kagome had forgiven her, she just couldn't quite believe it. She pulled herself together and realized that she should probably be heading home too, she shifted gears and drove off in a daze.  
  
A/N: so how was it? I know I haven't written in awhile, and I'm sorry that this chap is short, but school has started back you know. Please please please review, the more reviews I get and the more likely I am to either set aside my homework or to stay up late and work on this. I'll try and make the next chapter longer. 


	11. Chapter 11 kikyo

A/N: I'm finally writing again, I would like to thank Shadowpoet and me for their reviews, and I would just like to begin with answering their reviews. Inu-yasha will not take his own life, I hadn't even considered it, but there may be a point where he considers it, and it will not be yaoi, I am sticking with my original idea ^-^ so thanks for the reviews, and I hope you enjoy.  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own Inu-yasha or the other characters so don't sue me, yada yada yada, blah blah blah, deal with it  
  
The next day at school everyone was ultra nice to Inu-yasha, the teachers, the students, the faculty, everyone. It was as if since Kagome's death, no one knew what to say to him, and that was fine with him. He didn't want to talk about it. He walked around half in a daze. Unfortunately for Kikyo, people weren't really good to her. It seemed as though the entire student body blamed her for Kagome's death.  
  
The only thing that kept Kikyo going that day and not playing hooky was her pride. Kagome had forgiven her and she felt that she had to be strong in Kagome's memory. She may never be as good or as well liked as Kagome, but as long as she had Kagome's forgiveness then she would try to do her best, and she was going to start that day.  
  
Kikyo was used to people calling her a slut, and perhaps they were right, she had slept around some, but she wouldn't ever let them know how much it hurt her. But today was even worse; she was getting more than the usual taunts and jeers. When she approached groups of people they would fall silent and look at her with barely concealed hatred and curiosity. Part of her wanted to go and hide, but another part of her said that she had to go on; she had to face these people. If only she had some friends to go turn to, or just someone to talk to.  
  
As Kikyo walked down the hall to her class, she had a sudden inspiration. She hurried to her class quickly and if people thought she was running from them, then let them think that she knew better. She sat in her desk and scribbled off a quick note  
  
Sango, I know you probably hate me, but would you please meet me in the girl's bathroom during lunch. ~Kikyo  
  
After class, she slipped it into Sango's locker and hoped that Sango would meet her.  
  
When lunch finally rolled around, Kikyo was waiting worriedly in the girl's bathroom praying that Sango would show up. While she was in one of the stalls, she heard some girls talking about her and after they left, she came out and cried. She looked into the mirror and tried to see what they saw; a bitch, a slut, the reason Kagome killed herself. She couldn't stop crying, though she knew she must lest Sango come in and see her like this. She couldn't help it, she curled up in a corner of the restroom and cried her heart out.  
  
The door opened and Kikyo looked up to see Sango walk in, cool and unmoved. She sniffled once, but was finally able to pull herself together. She got up gracefully and wiped the tears from her face. "Thank you for coming, Sango."  
  
"What do you want? And make this quick."  
  
Kikyo turned her face away for a moment, then looked directly at Sango, "I'm sorry about what happened to Kagome, but it wasn't my fault."  
  
"Oh, and who's fault would you say it was?" Sango asked in a cool detached manner.  
  
"It was her own fault."  
  
"Don't you dare say that! Don't you ever talk about Kagome that way." Sango's eyes were glittering dangerously like the blade of a well- sharpened knife and after her initial outburst her voice got low and dangerous, "She was a better person than you'll ever be."  
  
As Sango was about to turn and stalk out of the bathroom Kikyo pleaded, "Don't you think I know that? I know that I'll never be as good as Kagome, but she forgave me! She forgave me." The last was said in a whisper that Sango could barely hear.  
  
"She what!!" Sango shrieked angrily. "You little liar! Why would she ever forgive you?! You stole her boyfriend and made it quite obvious that you were sleeping with him. You tried to hurt her. You bitch!"  
  
"That's not true!" Now Kikyo was beginning to get angry. "I didn't steal anyone's boyfriend, they had a fight, and he never loved me, not since he started going out with her. And just so you know, I threw him out of my room the night she died. I dumped him that night, because I knew he wouldn't be happy with anyone other than her! Do you know how much that hurt me? I love Inu-yasha!" She grabbed Sango's arm so she couldn't walk out. "Please Sango," she pleaded again, "I was hoping that you might be on my side. Or if you weren't, that you might, at the very least, understand. Sango, she forgave me, just ask Inu-yasha." She let go of Sango's arm and Sango left.  
  
Once again, Kikyo looked in the mirror, but now she was angry. Angry at herself for hoping Sango would help, angry at Sango for not understanding, and angry at Kagome for dying and leaving her in this mess. But her anger only gave her fuel to go on. She splashed cold water on her face to wash away the redness and hoped no one would notice that she had been crying. She was ready to face the world again.  
  
A/N: I hope you have enjoyed this installation of the knife. If you like this fic, please check out my other fic, The Letter, it is a S/M with a twist. Please give me feedback on this. I hope you have all had wonderful holidays and a magnificent winter break. While I'm on my break I am going to try to write more, but I do have to work on my other fic as well, so give me a break if I don't get much more up. 


	12. Chapter 12 sango

A/N: Oh, I'm really getting into this now. Thank you for everyone who has reviewed, I would name people or answer questions, but I'm currently not on- line and so I can't do that, 'cause I can't remember who has reviewed, but thank you anyway.  
  
Chapter 12  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha or any of the other characters.  
  
After Sango left the bathroom, she walked around the lunchroom for a while, but she couldn't quite get into any conversations. She kept thinking about how Kikyo had said, "Just ask Inu-yasha." What if Kagome had forgiven her? If that was true, then how could Sango do anything less? Finally, she made up her mind, she would ask Inu-yasha.  
  
Finding Inu-yasha was easy since he was sitting by himself. Clearly, he wanted to be left alone, but Sango had to know. She approached him with caution. "Inu-yasha?"  
  
"Go away, leave me alone." He growled at her.  
  
"Get over yourself, Inu-yasha! I am, was, Kagome's best friend and I have some questions that I need answered."  
  
"Too bad," he said glaring at her, "I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Well, you're going to talk to me whether you like it or not, because Kikyo has already talked to me." Inu-yasha didn't respond, he just kept on eating, suddenly; Sango realized it was rubber pizza for lunch again. What a thing to notice at a time like this. "Listen, Inu-yasha," she said pulling up a seat, "I know that this must be really hard on you, especially since you were there, but I have to know what happened. She was my best friend and she was always there for me. I have to know what happened in her last moments."  
  
She sat there waiting for a response, anything to show that he was listening to her. Just as she was about to turn away, he spoke. "She lost the will to live. She was mad at me and at the world." Sango patted his hand reassuringly. "Sango, it wasn't my fault, please don't blame me." A tear rolled down his cheek and for the second time that day Sango realized that someone needed her to forgive them.  
  
She hugged him, as she would have hugged Kagome, had Kagome needed comfort. "I don't blame you, Inu-yasha. I know it wasn't your fault."  
  
Perhaps something in her voice gave her thoughts away, either that or Inu-yasha could read minds. "Don't blame Kikyo either."  
  
"Please, Inu-yasha, tell me why. This is what I need to know."  
  
"Before Kagome died she. she said that she forgave Kikyo." As he relived Kagome's last moments for the millionth time since her death, he began to cry. He let Sango hold him as he would let no one else. They had both been closer to Kagome than anyone else had been when she was alive and that gave them a special bond in the aftermath of her death. Anyone watching would simply accept that they were comforting each other, only the pessimists would dare think anything more.  
  
Sango felt horrible about the way she had treated Kikyo and as she held Inu-yasha, comforting him, she started crying as well. This was too much. Sango decided then that she would also forgive Kikyo; if Kagome could, she could as well; she would respect her friends decision.  
  
After a few moments, Inu-yasha and Sango moved apart. "Thank you, Inu-yasha. I really do feel a bit better now. You have truly helped me." She patted his hand and then just before turning away she kissed him gently on the forehead.  
  
"What was that for?" Inu-yasha asked, startled.  
  
Sango smiled, "I believe that this has brought us closer, and you are more than just a friend to me, you are the older brother I never had. Thank you, you have really helped to set my mind at rest."  
  
Sango walked off, leaving a very confused Inu-yasha behind her. But she felt better about herself, and about her resolve, things would work out.  
  
A/N: Okay, what did you think? I'm not sure how good this chap is and it's so short. But I've written a total of four chapters tonight, two for my other fic and two for this one. Plus I've been thinking about a possible plot for a third fic, but I'm not ready to share that idea yet, 'cause I haven't worked it out yet, but it would probably be a tragedy. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed, please R&R. 


	13. Chapter 13 kikyo

A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me this long, but I would like to thank Becca- gurl, Kouga-fan, and Inu-Is-Mine for their reviews, they have really encouraged me to get back to this fic sooner than I have in the past. Happy New Years!!!  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Disclaimer: Ummm. I don't believe I'm any closer to owning the Inu-yasha characters today than I was yesterday, but we'll see if I can't just change that..  
  
Kikyo emerged from the bathroom just in time to see Sango kiss Inu- yasha. WHAT THE FUCK?! This was certainly an unforeseen turn of events, she didn't know quite what to do about this, but if that was what Inu-yasha wanted. well, she could step back, wait, no. This time she was going to fight for the man she loved, no matter what.  
  
Kikyo took a deep breath to compose herself, then made her way across the lunchroom towards Inu-yasha. As she passed table after table of chattering students they all fell silent, all eyes were on her as she approached Inu-yasha. Taking one last deep breath, she laid her hand on Inu-yasha's shoulder. "Inu-yasha?"  
  
"Kikyo?" He turned to look at her.  
  
"How're you holding up?"  
  
"As well as can be expected, I guess." Then coming to his senses he offered, "Would you like to sit down?"  
  
The students at the surrounding tables held their breaths as they watched this little drama unfold. Kikyo glanced around at them, wondering what they were thinking, certainly nothing good, but she was going to go through with this if it was the last thing she did. "I would love to." She glared defiantly at the nearest tables.  
  
The students in the lunchroom broke into an overwhelming uproar of chatter as she took the seat next to Inu-yasha. The way they saw it Kagome's love and her archrival were now sitting talking amicably as though nothing had happened.  
  
"And how are you?" Inu-yasha asked.  
  
Kikyo laughed, a dry humorless laugh, "I'm doin' okay I guess. Everyone blames me for her death. They say I 'lured' you away from her."  
  
Inu-yasha looked startled, "But that's not true! If anything you are the only reason I was able to be with her during her last moments."  
  
"Yeah, well, people tend to believe only the worst things they hear about people. But there is one thing to look forward to."  
  
"And what's that?"  
  
"The next scandal. As soon as there is another scandal then this will all blow over and people won't be obsessed over this anymore. Granted people won't stop hating me that quickly, but whatever."  
  
Inu-yasha looked positively stricken. "Damn, I never really thought about how this might effect anyone else. I guess I kind of thought that I was the only person in the world that really cared about Kagome."  
  
Kikyo smiled, "It's completely understandable that you would be thinking about you. But, ummm, what's up between you and Sango?" She may have decided to fight for her man, but she would be careful and find out just what was going on first.  
  
Inu-yasha smiled briefly, "She is a good friend and she wanted to comfort me and let me know that I'm not alone.  
  
*yeah, what a way to 'comfort' you* Kikyo thought bitterly, but now was not the time to act, she would have to choose the time and means carefully.  
  
The bell rang and the crowd surged towards the stairs  
  
A/N: Okay, once again I'm writing this just before I'm going out of town so again I'm in a rush. I know this isn't one of my better chapters, but I'm really going to have to do some brain storming before I can get the next chapter written and up. Love y'all, thanks for the reviews and please continue reviewing. HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! 


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